Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Soap is not a condiment
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
