He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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