Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
