And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
