who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
