Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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