I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
