Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
They took my balls.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
