I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
