i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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