doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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