White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
