Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
