Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
