You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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