Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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