alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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