yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
