im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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