Apparently you make a good broom.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
