He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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