yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
