omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
