Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
