Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
