He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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