Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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