we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
