At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
