the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
