I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
