So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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