That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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