just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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