So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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