She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
as a side note pls kill me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
