What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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