I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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