one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
