..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
