Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
