we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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