I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
