Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
