you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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