4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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