actually, I'm a sock model
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
