Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's never too late to be topless.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
