i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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