worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
