remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
