so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
