Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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