bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
