I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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