How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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