why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
