he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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